Second Child or Not?

I’ve not been on here in a while…My life has been taken over by a lovely little munchkin who is now nearly 2 years old. Logging back onto here, I realised that I only ever got as far as writing the title for my birthing story blog, which I will try to complete if my memory serves me right. I’d like to blame the munchkin but my memory has never been great. Guess time does really fly when you’re having fun.

But the main reason for me writing this entry is around the decision whether to try for another child or not. We were lucky enough to have 3 embryos suitable for freezing on the cycle we were successful and back in November we received a letter asking for £200 to keep storing the frosties for another year. I was nowhere near ready at this time so the decision was easy. We paid the £200 and I put them to the back of mind.

Until yesterday when I received a letter from the IVF clinic telling us we had 3 months to decide whether we wanted to use the frosties or they will be destroyed (Or we can pay £600 to store them for another 2 years, if our circumstances allow this). This totally threw me…just read the first few lines & started crying in the post office car park on my way to work, which wasn’t very helpful. Plus, I couldn’t think about anything else all day.

I had just started to think about possibly trying for another one. After the stressful 6 years that it took to have my little miracle, just the getting to this point has taken some time & even now, if I think about it too much I just burst into tears.

Friends say, “Oh don’t worry, once people have had IVF there’s loads of people we know who have fallen pregnant naturally”, which is very easy to say, but very difficult to believe. Or they say, “Just start trying & don’t get stressed out about it”, which again is very easy to say but when you have tried on & off for 3 years, intensely for 2 years and 2 lots of IVF in 1 year, how can it not be stressful.

Yes, of course I know if might happen naturally and if it does, great. But I have to think about the what ifs…What if it doesn’t, what if those frosties are my last chance. Using them will be expensive and if they don’t work, can we afford another full blown IVF. Would I even want to considering how sick I was last time? There’s so many questions that go round in my head that I find so hard to deal with (Can’t you just tell, I’m ever the pessimist)

Then I look at my little miracle & think…it was worth it for him…so why wouldn’t it be worth it again to give him a brother or sister. I have always wanted 2 children and yes, if I end up only ever having one, I have been totally & utterly blessed, but I should really give it a try.

I guess at the end of the day, I’m just scared to open myself up again to all that hurt & disappointment.

Anyone else felt this way?

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